The funeral home let us come see Papa tonight. It was a small gathering of my Meemaw, Aunt Diane, cousin Lara, Dad, Moona, Ivie, and me. I sobbed my eyes out and was the only one to do so. I fell apart and my Meemaw could only say "don't cry". I had to push her away because I NEEDED to cry.
My dad told me that it's okay that I'm grieving the way I am. That my grief hurts him more than Papa being gone. I told him I can't help it and that a customer told me that my grief is just my love. It was actually quite beautiful in what she said, but I can't remember.
Papa was very handsome. He looked better than he had in a long time. Plus there were two (artificial) ivy plants by his coffin. So he'll have ivy by him all night. Ivie was the light of his life.
It's still so hard to think that he's gone. It breaks my heart into a million pieces.